Month: April 2006

Have you ever wrestled with God? Gen. 32:22-32 describes the famous incident when Jacob wrestles with God (or with an angel). God (or the angel) appears matter-of-factly in the story: Jacob sends his family and retainers ahead, “[s]o Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.” (Gen. 32:24.) The “man” “could not overpower” Jacob, but injuries Jacob’s hip with a “touch.” Jacob refuses to let the “man” go until he receives a blessing. The blessing is given, and Jacob’s name is changed to “Israel” “because you have sruggled with God and with men and have overcome.” (Gen. 32:28.) “El” refers to “God,” and the verbal root of “ysr” (“Isra”) apparently refers to “struggle.” After the man leaves, Jacob names the place “Peniel” — meaning “Face of God” — “because I saw God [elohim] face to face, and yet my life was spared.” It seems clear that Jacob realized at some point that this was no ordinary wrestling match.

Tonight my chuch holds its annual Good Friday service. It will be big and beautiful, with a trumpet player from the New York Philharmonic, singers from the Metropolitan Opera, choirs, and strings. I don’t feel like going. I feel spiritually tired and beat up, like I did this morning before we got to the lake, shuffling up from the river with worm guts on my hands and no fish to show for the effort.

Not to criticize our Good Friday service or the similar events occuring at other churches around the world today, but what I want to do tonight is to visit Gethsemane for a while, and then to curl up at the base of the cross and wait. I don’t want to shower, put on my pressed khakis and crisp blue shirt, and play the good American Evangelical. I want to feel the dirt, smell the blood, hear the cries, know in my bones the depths of “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me,” feel in my guts that truly “it is finished.” It is finished.

Today I took my young boys fishing. We got to the river around 10:00 a.m., which was far too late. The river had been stocked with trout, and the fisherman had been lined up elbow-to-elbow since the early morning. We caught nothing, and the boys began to argue and whine.

There’s a small lake near the river, so we took our poles and worms to the lakeside, and within minutes we were hauling in fish. These weren’t the fat trout we’d been looking for in the river. They were tiny young bass and sunnies, no more than six inches long. I found myself a bit depressed by this at first. Another grand plan seemed to have been reduced to something much smaller.

But as my older son pulled in his fifth sunny, he exclaimed “this is a miracle dad — all the sudden we’re catching lots of fish!” My boys were laughing with delight as they pulled in and threw back one little fish after another. It turned out to be a great day. Sometimes joy is just a matter of perspective.