Guidelines for Christian Romance Novels and the New Testament

“The stories … may not include alcohol consumption by Christian characters, dancing, card playing, gambling or games of chance (including raffles), explicit scatological terms, hero and heroine remaining overnight together alone, Halloween celebrations or magic, or the mention of intimate body parts.”
Writer guidelines from Steeple Hill, the Christian imprint of romance novel giant Harlequin.

(Hat Tip: Christianity Today.)

I wonder how the New Testament would fare under these silly writer’s guidelines? Let’s see what a letter from the Harlequin editors to the NT authors might have looked like:

Dear NT Writers:

Thank you for submitting your impressive and ambitious project entitled “The New Testament.” Unfortunately, we are unable to publish the work in its present form. Below are only a few instances in which the work fails to satisfy our Writers’ Guidelines. If you revise the work in accordance with the Guidelines, we will be happy to reconsider it at a later date.

1. No alcohol consumption by Christian characters. There are numerous scenes associating alcohol consumption with Christian characters. For example, the very first miracle of the main character, Jesus, involves wine. See John 2. Another pivital character, Paul, notes that Christians in Corinth were getting drunk at the Lord’s Supper. Although Paul disapproves of this conduct, the conduct itself should not be portrayed as per our Guidelines. See I Cor. 11:17. This same character (Paul) also advises a young Pastor (Timothy), to “take a little wine,” which of course also violates the Guidelines and sends an inappropriate message to readers. See I Tim. 5:23. There are numerous other similar examples, which also will need to be modified.

2. No dancing. We are gratified that there are no explicit examples of dancing in your manuscript. We do note, however, that the character Jesus suggests dance is an appropriate response to joyful music, just as crying is an appropriate response to a dirge. See Luke 7:31. We are also concerned that Jesus’ frequent quotation of passages from your earlier manuscript, titled “The Old Testament” (which we also have asked you to revise), might suggest some endorsement of the many statement in that manuscript about dance as a form of worship and celebration.

3. Card playing, gambling, or games of chance (including raffles). There are some disturbing pivotal scense in your manuscript that involve what could be characterized as gambling or games of chance. For example, after Jesus is crucified, the attending soldiers cast lots (a game of chance) to determine who would take his clothing. See Matt. 27:35. This is particularly troubling becuase the scene again refers to a statement in your earlier “Old Testament” manuscript concerning the practice of casting lots. In addition, the practice of casting lots is employed to select a new Apostle to succeed Judes. See Acts 1:23-26. You must understand that we cannot publish a “Christian” story in which a church leader is selected by such a method.

4. Explicit scatalogical terms; 7. Mention of intimate body parts. Here we will point out one eggregious example of scatalogical language and mention of intimate body parts: Paul (again, a central character) at one point states that some Christians who believed in the continued importance of ritual circumcision should “go the whole way and emasculate themselves.” See Gal. 5:12. Obviously, we cannot have an important Christian character state that his opponents should cut off their testacles!

5. Hero and heroine remaining overnight together alone. We are gratified that your manuscript does not depict any scenes in which a hero and heroine remain together overnight alone. We are concerned, however, that the central character of Jesus associates with prostitutes and suggests that “prostitutes and tax collectors” will enter the kingdom of heaven before the religious leaders. See, e.g., Matt. 21:32. Perhaps you could make the “prostitutes” into soccer moms or something else less offensive.

6. Halloween celebrations or magic.. There is a significant reference to a scorcerer in the “Acts” section of your manuscript. See Acts 8. We are glad this scorcerer (named Simon) repents and becomes a Christian, but we would prefer no references to magic or scorcer at all. We are concerned that some of our younger readers might be tempted to explore the occult after reading such references.

We hope you understand why we cannot publish your manuscript in its present form. We look forward to reviewiewing any revisions you may decide to submit.

Sincerely,

Steeple Hill, an imprint of Harlequin Romance