The Dawn Treader and I started a series on Titus a while ago, which has been proceeding, shall we say, at a leisurely pace. A recent event brought Titus back to my attention.
I learned this week of a leader in a prominent evangelical church who revealed over the holidays that he has been carrying on a secret adulterous affair for many years. (No, it isn’t the guy you’re thinking of, it’s that other guy, and it isn’t the church your thinking of, it’s that other church 😉 ). Unfortunately, this is a recurring problem in churches all around the country.
We often are drawn to leaders who are smart, attractive, accomplished in business, wealthy, or “conservative” in appearance and demeanor. The first thing God requires in a leader, however, is purity. In fact, Titus 1:6-9 tells us twice that church leaders must be “blameless”:
An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.
Anyone who seeks to be “blameless” in our culture knows this is difficult. I know from my own perspective as a man how sin constantly assaults us. Sometimes the only thing we can do is follow the example of Joseph when he was tempted by Potiphar’s wife: run. Look away. End the conversation. Terminate the pleasant little fantasy. Close your eyes and pray for help. It’s a lie. Call it a lie and leave it.
I know many men are trapped in addictions that make advice like this sound trite. For those men, this may be trite, and sustained professional help and support is needed. Have the courage to ask for forgiveness and help — you will find it. For those who find themselves wavering, though, the first step is simple: run.
May God keep us blameless and bless His Church and its leaders.
4 replies on “Titus, Purity and Leadership”
Amen! Character is the key. How can we follow leaders who show no integrity and wholeness in their life?
A man’s life must line up with his words.
Your advice reminds me of the promise in 1 Cor 10:13
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
Many times the means of escape is to high tail it outta there.
Thank you for the exhortation, David. We need to also encourage and support these men as they lead the local body. I pray that the men leading our church would have God’s wisdom and strength in dealing with much brokenness in the body of Christ.
There is no one who has not failed. Perhaps one thing that men and women in church leadership need is a safe place to be vulnerable, honest, and held accountable. Where is the grace that walks with us in our wrestling? I agree that leaders are called to holiness, but we all are called to holiness. In all the work I have done with wounded apprentices of Jesus, what I have seen most is that the church has not been a safe place to tell their story. Therefore when our story is not told there is no place for redemption to take place. I agree with Brian that we must support men and women in leadership in the church, be wise, and to exhibit grace. There must also be a place for healing the wounded, and those who will walk that road with them (as Jesus did/does). No one talks about the spouse – who is deeply deeply wounded here too. They also need a safe place for healing. Who cares for them in their humilation in it all?
Stephanie — thanks for the much-needed perspective. It is a shame that people often feel afraid to confess their weaknesses within the body of Christ. I often wonder if many tragic circumstances could be avoided if people were free to be more transparent before temptation turns into more intractible choices to sin.
I appreciate the emphasis on the victims of sin as well. I’m glad that in my home church, which is far from perfect, we have divorce recovery groups, single mom groups, and lots of other kinds of support for spouses who are cast aside in the course of affairs.
The very sad thing that I’ve seen, though, is that the cheating spouse rarely seems to seek forgiveness and reconciliation even when it is offered. Time and again I’ve observed that the cheating spouse has no desire to give up the affair and seeks only to justify himself (or, in rare cases, herself) without any remorse or repentance. In those circumstances, I’m not sure the core problem is with the church. Often, the problem is that a person’s heart has become hardened through ongoing, habitual sin.