Category: Humor

Tomorrow, I’m planning to hike in the Burren. Researching the hike tonight, I came across this page, which has the funniest disclaimer (at the bottom of the page) I’ve ever seen (warning — the disclaimer contains some bad words).

Here’s a sample of golf cliches and some good comebacks from this month’s Golf magazine. If you play golf, you’ve heard these cliches on the course, and you understand that busting your buddy’s chops is as important as chipping and putting.

Cliche: “That dog will hunt.”
Comeback: “It won’t after I run over it with my truck.”

Cliche: “Time to let the big dog eat.”
Comeback: “That reminds me — how was dinner with your wife?”

Cliche: “How’d that stay out?”
Comeback: “Because it was a horrible putt. Sorry, was that a rhetorical question?”

I’m starting research for a new paper, possibly on open source and international intellectual property. I came across this in a surprisingly well written paper on the political economy of open source: “Canada has plenty of trees, and anyone can pt a stack of paper on their desk for a very small price. That does not translate directly into an abundance of good writing.”

The point is that an abundance of material inputs does not necessarily translate into useful intellectual innovation. But it’s also a perfect jab at Canadian literature. Though I do love the Anne of Green Gables books…

Very Funny comic here.

This morning I punished my 7-year-old son for something. The punishment was that after school he was to go to bed until dinner time. My wife later called me at work after she and the kids had finished dinner. It seems my son had done homework downstairs before dinner, and is now claiming that he is no longer punished because the punishment specified confinement “before dinner” and it is now “after dinner.” Ok, he didn’t say the “specified confinement part,” but it was a pretty good lawyerly agrument nonetheless.

Two articles in today’s Wall Street Journal caught my eye. (Unfortunately I can’t link to either article because WSJ’s website is subscription only.)

The first article discusses changes in the “Ferberizing” and William Sears’ attachment method. Ferberizing involves letting a baby cry, without any comforting, so long as the baby is dry and fed. The attachment method involves always responding instantly to the baby’s cries, even if that means never getting any sleep. The big surprise: advocates of both methods now acknowledge that a balanced approach is better than either extreme. Yes, the common sense of the gazillions of moms and dads who came and went long before Ferber and Sears prevails. Duh.

The second “duh” article involved how to determine whether an online purchase will be subject to state sales tax. The writer suggests first Googling the selling company to determine whether they have offices in your state that might subject them to local sales tax. After that, the article says, try a “purchase run-through” by hitting the “checkout” button. Again, duh! Why bother with all that Googling, which is likely to get you mired in links about arcane state tax law issues. Go right to the “checkout” button. If you see sales tax listed, you’re paying it, and if you don’t want to pay, don’t confirm the purchase. Unless you find state tax law inherently interesting, in which case you probably need to take an Ambien and get a good night’s sleep.

I just heard the most unintentionally funny radio commercial ever produced. A group called Intelligent Energy is promoting natural gas for home heating in New York. Their toll-free number is 1-877-I’VE-GOT-GAS, and their tag line, sung in that cheery radio commercial style is “Intelligent Energy — I’ve Got Gas.” There’s a big “I’ve Got Gas!” button on their website as well (and, as indicated by the “R” in a circle, “I’ve Got Gas” is a registered trademark). I’m not sure if I’m supposed to redo my home heating or excuse myself from the room and take some Beano.

… you hear a child in another part of the house say “what’s daddy’s number downstairs”; immediately thereafter, you hear the office phone ring; wanting to be funny with your kid, you answer the phone “Mike’s Pizza”; and the lawyer at the other end of the line, with whom you’ve been negotiating a real estate deal, wonders how she dialed the Pizza place’s number instead of yours….

I had a Fresca with my Pizza tonight and happened to read the list of ingredients. They include, as expected, water, grapefruit juice, citric acid, and some preservatives, but how about this: “glycerol ester of wood rosin” and “brominated vegetable oil.” A little research disclosed that these are common ingredients in citrus-based sodas, which are used to stabilize the emulsion produced by mixing water and fruit oils. Anyone for a can of wood and vegetable oil? It’s yummy, really.

you hear yourself saying the following, all in the same evening:

• “Don’t drag your brother across the wood floor, he’s going to hurt his head!”
• “Give your brother his monkey back, now!”
• “Underwear belong in the hamper, not the garbage!”
• “It’s your own fault that your hand hurts, that’s what happens when you hit someone.”
• “No, the ‘golden rule’ isn’t ‘Do to others what they did to you’ and it doesn’t mean you can hit back.”
• “Don’t throw that, you’re going to break the TV.”
• “Yes, it is interesting that food goes in one place and comes out two places.”

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